Did you know that 89% of adults experience stress during the holidays, with family conflict and expectations as the top sources? It’s not surprising, is it?

More of a listener? Here you go. Otherwise, keep reading …

So many of us wish the holidays were the jolliest season of all. We long for the family get-togethers that look like the movies, or at least like our idealized version of reality. But the truth is that holidays are usually stressful for most people.

For women like my client who recently said "I spent my life serving everybody else and never prioritizing myself.", the holidays become hotspots that bring up aaaaall our unprocessed ‘stuff’ about family, holidays, and expectations.

If you're like me, you are the one who invite people into your home, plans the menu, cleans and cooks and take care of everyone because you want everyone to have a good time…

If everyone has a good time, we feel valued. That's WHY we do those things - because we want to be valued. We have an underlying belief system that says: when my family gets along, they value me for helping.

I mean, that may or may not be true, but it’s the undercurrent that runs the show for most of the women I have the privilege of working with.

Given that it’s after Halloween and the Christmas craze is about to start, I want to help you have the best holiday season of your life. So let me show you what to pay attention to so you navigate this season with grace.

The first thing I want you to be mindful of is that your body responds in a fraction of a nanosecond to what feels off.

Which means that microaggressions and triggering comments are detected by the body before your consciousness awareness catches up.

Your body will experience physiological changes—chest tightness, throat constriction, shoulder tension, gut drops– immediately after perceived stress is registered, miles before you can name what just happened.

Anyone else LOVE this show?

Your body is giving you information about what to pay attention to at all times. The trick is to learn how to listen. I explored that in last month’s workshop “Pain as Portal”.

What are some ‘microaggressions’ and ‘triggering comments’ that you might experience, anyway? Well, there are six holiday trigger hotspots that are backed by stress research:

The "Helpful" Critique

"Have you thought about using the red table runner instead of the green...?" The moment your mother in law shows up and points out all the things that you did almost-right. A moment of ripping down the hard work you’ve put in so the power dynamics balance in her favor. That moment that is critique disguised as help. Your body knows it isn’t.

Politics at the Table

This is a very common bait that is often disguised as casual conversation. It’s not that you should avoid politics, but you should certainly be mindful of the tone and nature of what’s being shared – is it a conversation for exploration or a battle to be right about one’s beliefs? These are not the same thing.

Gift Judgments

The average Canadian household spends $975 on Christmas gifts, and $1500 for the holiday season 🤯. You can see how this alone would stress people out (stresses me on their behalf...). Now, add to it the familiar expectations of what gifts are appropriate and what aren’t, and you’ve got a recipe for stress.

Parenting/Life Advice

We all have at least one relative that tells us how to live our life better, according to them. They have examples of how your life sucks, and they have a mental plan on how you should fix it. It’s easy, they’ll say. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt for a moment – surely they mean well. Sure, but … how do you feel in the presence of that conversation?

Old Role Assignment

An all time favourite of mine – “this is just how Stela is”. The box that we like to put people into, because it’s familiar. People respond to you as if you are who you were, leaving no room for noticing how you may be now. Presuppositions are in and curiosity is out the window!

Time/Hosting Pressure

This one can be tricky because it’s another “is”. “We always host Christmas dinner” … “If we don’t do it, who will?!”. These are the types of internal, and often external, pressures that we feel when it comes to hosting (and maybe letting dear ol’ dad overstay his welcome despite the stress it causes our family).

Alright, so I hope you can see that the holidays, though proclaimed to be the most wonderful time of the year, come with immense pressure to perform. To be someone you are not for the purposes of “keeping it together” or “keeping the peace” or whatever it happens to be.

Here’s what I want you to walk away with from this blog: a trigger starts in your body, not in the room. Your job is to notice the first sensation and trust it.

After all, your body has an early warning system:

Your chest tightness when expectations of self or other aren’t being met
Your throat constricts (coughing, anyone) when you hear a thought you want to say but you don’t dare say out loud
That a throbbing in the right hip shows you boundaries are crossed
Your IBS shows up the moment your mom criticizes your table
Shoulder tense when you feel responsible for carrying your daughter’s intense emotions

The trigger starts in your tissue, and it can only be processed through your body.

Next week, I will be sharing with you a bit more about the power of the early warning systems and how to pay attention to them, including what questions to ask yourself as you notice the pressure arising. Stay tuned!

For those who want to go deeper

Every single woman I work with brings up the holidays as one of the hardest times of the year.

The pressure to hold it all together. The comments you pretend don’t hurt. The quiet, exhausting work of managing other people’s emotions just to make it through dinner.

Which is why I created this workshop.

And because I want this to be accessible—because I want more women to have a different experience this holiday season—it’s just $47 CAD.

That’s it. 2 hours. Live on Zoom. Only 10 spots. So everyone gets time, attention, and space to breathe.

We start November 27.

If you’re ready to stop disappearing around your family—and start holding your centre, even when the pressure’s on—this is your next step.

🎟 Reserve your spot now (Workshop plus intimate, live coaching. No replay of the coaching portion. This is private, personal, and for you.)

Details here →

When the self-help stops helping, it’s time for something deeper.

Our Authentic Living Library gives you free, lifetime access to body-led tools, audio journeys, and workshops designed to help you reconnect with yourself—on your own terms.