When I started my personal evolution journey at 18 years old, I was looking for wholeness. I wanted to heal the wounds of the past so that I discover my true and essential nature. 

During the decade that followed, I tried the conventional ways of healing – from therapy, medicine and 12-step programs, all the way to more unconventional forms of healing like yoga, meditation and all-kinds-of-alternative self-healing. 

In my search, I found so many pieces of the puzzle, but I constantly found myself lacking in something deep. I felt an insatiable deep yearning for something I had no words for.

How do you find the wholeness you don’t even know you’re looking for in a world designed for fragmentation? You can’t google the answers to those questions. 

There is no external source of authority that will give you those answers. In fact, the answers will always open the door to a new, more expansive line of inquiry. 

In other words: there is no finish line. 

However, if you give yourself permission to go on a lifelong adventure and be an explorer of yourSelf, you will discover the spiral nature of re-membering the essence of who and what you are. 

After all, isn’t that what you hunger for? 

Maybe your problem is the gateway to self-discovery. 

Maybe discovering how to ask the right questions to deCODE the messages of your problem could lead to reclamation of something you have no words for. 

Maybe widening your perceptual lens of how you see yourself and your world could transform the quality of your life. 

I don’t make any promises that I can’t keep, and this I know to be true for myself: after having stumbled upon this simple yet powerful way of life called WEL-Systems, my life transformed. I discovered more about myself in the last six years that I have been actively engaged than I discovered in my decade of searching before then. And I am a searcher, so I looked far and wide … into the miserably-failing conventional spaces and the rather strange places, too.

Truth is, most women that find their way to me and my work have been through what feels like everything. They are edging towards a significant breakthrough, but they don’t know how. 

They are doing all the things– listening to the spiritual leaders, journaling, asking questions, taking courses, doing yoga, writing, reading, retreats, plant medicine – you name it, they’ve done it. 

They know the body is key, but they don’t know how to engage it in the tough moments when breathing feels impossible. 

They know integration is key, but they don’t know how to allow it when that voice persists. 

They know ...

They know how it was isn’t working, but they don’t know how else to be. 

From my experience, what’s most important about our personal evolution is that we shift perceptual filters from out there to in here, where we live. 

Truth is in perpetual flow, and truth is only discoverable through our body. 

From my experience, what’s missing from the plethora of narratives ‘out there’ is the process that allows us to weave it all together. So we know exactly what to do in the moments of push-comes-to-shove and strengthen our intuitive choice-muscle. The more we do so, the more we feel compelled to birth a new and alternative reality to the one we feel trapped in. When you discover how to create your meaningful life with intention, your life transforms. 

As Louise LeBrun (the Founder of the WEL-Systems Institute) says, “Transformation requires science, safety and a touch of the sacred”. This is precisely what her world delivers – for me, for my clients, and for thousands of women over 35 years. 

You don’t have to take my word for it – dip your toes and play to discover if this way of life is for you. Here are some low-cost resources and ways you might consider testing the waters

I knew I wanted to become a certified CODE Model Coach™ since the first day I was introduced to the WEL-Systems® paradigm and it’s magic, in the most unlikely of places (federal government work). Fast forward three years and what feels like a lifetime of integration of my history and discovery of mySelf, and I am now in the process of getting that certification. I can’t fucking wait! In answering “why” I want to continue with the certification process, I allowed the question to rumble through me for weeks, and then one day, it all flew through me and I answered …

I am the first of my long line ancestors afforded the freedom to be able to choose, to create my life in whichever way it is meaningful for me in each unfolding moment. What a gift I have given mySelf — one I am eternally grateful for and intend to honour, as if my life depends on it, because it does. 

To have chosen to descend into this chaotic world of matter, at this time, sometimes I think I must be insane. Then, I wake up to mySelf and I know: this is the perfect time. I chose this life, all of it, because it afforded me the opportunity to awaken to mySelf. I don’t know if I would have had this opportunity at any other time. I trust that in this lifetime I am upgrading all that I’ve endured in all my lives, past, present and future. In that way, I know I’m upgrading the entirety of the collective consciousness of The All that perpetually is.

I can write in this way, today, and I know those who live this paradigm know exactly what I am talking about. There is a freedom that the process of CODE Model Coaching™ has afforded me: the opportunity to awaken to and continuously choose mySelf. The question of “what is most important to me about being alive?” has become a way of Life. In each moment of my existence, I get to ponder this question and rejoice in the aliveness I feel by simply being in its essence. 

By engaging this process, my Life has transformed. From the conversations I am having, to the people I befriend, to the way I interpret Life: it has all transformed. Fundamental to all this has been the transformation of my perception of what a human being is; what consciousness is; what Life is. I have no sense of any complete “answers”, and yet I notice myself continuously asking bigger and bigger questions. Questions that fill me with curiosity about mySelf. Questions that enliven me, even in my darkest moments. I have come to deeply trust the darkest places within myself. I know, and am just beginning to embody, the genius contained in the polarities within me (and therefore the entirety of consciousness). 

There is genius in it all, even when I feel I cannot possibly know it; in fact, especially then. 
To have awakened to a paradigm that embodies matriarchal consciousness has been no accident — I chose this. Everything that has ever happened to me in my life (past, present and future) has led me to this exact moment in time and space where I AM awakened to that space within me; I AM that paradigm, expressing. Evolving. Moving. Flowing. 

Space. Movement. Flow. The formula to Living! Breathing, Quantum TLC™ as a way of Life. A way of standing at the choice point of creation and creating from there. Yet at the same time, letting go like never before. A willingness within me to shed all that is old and stagnated, and awaken all that is alive and vibrant!

I have no interest in awakening anyone else who doesn’t hear the internal call. But for those who hunger to awaken to themselves, to that aspect of consciousness that IS what they are, I know no better process than that of CODE Model Coaching™. It isn’t the complete knowledge neatly contained in but a few books and posters; it is the lived experience of my own Self. It isn’t that I know the models inside out — it’s that I live the Truth of my own experience, moment to moment, visibly and out loud, to the fullest extent that I am able to. It isn’t that I require the certification (though my intellect is surely going to rejoice!), it’s that I am creating that which is meaningful to me already. And I see no other way to be.

I AM the CODE Model™. I trust my body (increasingly more) and I sense my Signal from Self, strong as ever. When I don’t, I know I’ve lost my Self. And, I know how to get back home, to myself. It doesn’t matter how long it takes me — I know, this moment of chaos is yet another invitation to my own evolution. Another upgrade in the programming of this quantum biological processor that “I” (the Signal) manifest through. 

Everything I am now experiencing is magic! From the people I get to play with to the creations I create to the everyday conversations I choose to have. I stand in a place of peace, of freedom, of deep intuitive knowing (even when I have no fucking clue!). I am able to notice polarities and paradoxes and know my own Truth, in the moment. I know I am a stream of the interconnected consciousness that sustains all of Life. In fact, I know I am all of it. I know my senses are holographic — I know I create and sustain my own reality. Life is a metaphor, am I noticing? Everything that presents in my world is mine. 

I now intuitively know — I am here to ferociously guard that which is meaningful to me; that which is life sustaining. I am here to become a living expression of what I know mySelf to be. I am here to experience the totality of what it means to be alive. 

I’ve discovered that, for me,  it isn’t enough to play in other people’s creations — as the Creator that I AM, I am here to play in my own infinite reality. I know I don’t require certifications for that; I already AM the CODE Model™. What I intuitively deeply desire is to have the experience of the certification process, not for the paper, but simply for the sake of my own evolution…for the expansion of the context from which I choose to live my life and create my creations. 

In living my life through the WEL-Systems® paradigm I have discovered the power of my perpetually evolving Self. The deep rooted internal sanctuary that allows for my becoming to unfold. What a gift to Life! 

The future we create matters.

Who are you capable of becoming as you keep your attention on your intention?

As a CODE Model Coach™, I am constantly in pursuit of my own evolution. Because of that, I trust that the people who come in my life are there as aspects of my consciousness to awaken me to a deeper layer of self-exploration yet unexplored.

Recently, I found myself writing an email to a client. I share this email (having removed all references to the person) because it was profoundly transformational for me to write. To send it, I chose to let go of any notions of fear around ‘losing’ a client or being judged or the million other thoughts that went through my head and instead, I chose vulnerability, courage and trust.

At the end of the post, I will share with you a few other written pieces and places for your own exploration, for those who are interested.

So, here goes: why I am not a therapist, but a CODE Model Coach™, instead.

*

In the last few conversations we’ve had I have felt myself playing the role of therapist. But… I am not a therapist. I am a CODE Model Coach™. I choose mindfully to be that because it is what has profoundly transformed the quality of my life. This is why I choose to filter all my experiences in life through the perceptual filters of the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge. I do that because I know the power contained in shifting perceptual filters about not only my experience, but about who I show up as in the world, and most importantly, WHAT I show up as (a conditioned human with stories and limitations OR the godForce expressing uniquely in tissue). 

A critical part of being a CODE Model Coach™ is knowing what my Signal from Self is. My signal is I AM Darkness, Revealing. As I type that to you I let out a deep exhale because I feel deeply inside my bones that I have not been showing up as that which I AM, fully owned, for our conversations. I have allowed my internalized conditioning of playing “nice” to interfere with my Signal and in the process I showed up as therapist instead of CODE Model Coach™. However, I have now owned the truth of that for myself and from now on that I AM is who will be showing up to our conversations.   

I am here, on this planet at this time, to disrupt the deep comma of the cultural conditioning (aka the lies we keep replicating to ourselves) that is killing us. I am here to help women safely discover the Truth that lives inside, waiting to be integrated ….freed. I am deeply curious about the truth that you carry …  about who YOU are in the world? Not your name, your job, your issues, your problems, your upbringing …but you. Your essence. Your I AM. I am interested in why are you here, on this planet, at this time? These are not questions we can intellectualize our way to — these are explorations that require a different way of thinking, a different mindframe… they require an education to a different paradigm. 

Those are the conversations I am here to have, and those are the conversations I believe you sought me out for. I believe you are looking to find your own depth, and I know I am here to help those who seek to discover. 

And, I am very clear: In order for our lives to change, we have to change … our identities have to change. For that to happen, we have to allow who we have believed ourselves to be (until now) to die …to transform …to evolve. We cannot change our identity, until we are educated to a different way of being. 

The discovery process of our Truth is not easy. There is no quick fix. There is no figuring it out and coming up with a solution and a nice strategy you can play out once and there–it’s done! This is a process. This is a journey. It is infinite in its layers. It is not a one and done. It requires a profound commitment to re-educating ourselves to the process and to the context. In my extensive experience with the personal evolution realm, I have found the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge to be complete. Please let that sentence sink in for you, and notice what you notice…

This is the space where you and I get to show up and be our Self, discover and own our truth, integrate what’s real, consider what else, become who I AM (in perpetual flow). The place where power lives is in the congruent choice of the moment. Do you know how to make congruent choices? Do you want to be able to? Because congruency = authenticity = alignment = ownership of mind = sovereignty = meaningful life. 

What I have to offer is transformation, not catharsis. 

What I have to offer is the opportunity to take your life back. 

What I have to offer requires a deep personal commitment on your end, because you crave a meaningful life. You crave to discover what you need to let go of to become more yourSelf, reclaimed. 

I know that this journey isn’t for everyone. I can totally appreciate that. However, for the people who find their way to it and who deeply crave ownership over their lives (their minds), this is a profoundly impactful process and paradigm.

And it is a process and paradigm unlike what you think you already know. Because I guarantee you, if you knew what I knew and were committed to living how I live, you’d live a deeply enriched life of perpetual discoveries. 

Please take a moment and be honest with yourself: Is that what you seek? (What do you seek?) 

What I know is that being able to share this process with those who seek is sacred to me. It is not “my bread and butter”, it is literally my life. It is why I’m here, on this planet, at this time. 

Why are you here? If you don’t know, would you like to discover? What else is out there that you don’t know you don’t know that, when discovered, could profoundly transform the quality of your life? What lives inside of you that needs integrating in order to be freed? What are the deeply rooted lies you tell yourself that when discovered will allow you to reclaim parts of yourself long ago forgotten? There is a process by which you can live your life and respond to major stressors in ways that expand your capacity for resourcefulness and resilience…are you curious to learn how to live it? There is a reframing of stressors through shifting perceptual filters …are you curious to find out more? Are you curious to discover who you are capable of becoming as opposed to who you’ve been told you should be?  … I have a million questions here, but…I’ll stop here. By now, you already know if this is the path you’d like to pursue… because your body demands that you do even if your intellect goes what-the-fuck.

Know that I am HERE, curious, grounded, engaged…both willing and able to help you evolve to the extent that it’s meaningful for you to do so. 

“There is no use in going back to yesterday, I was a different person then.” – Alice in Wonderland

This 10 year challenge could not have come at a better time, for me. These past few weeks have been all about personal introspection, reviewing and reminiscing about the past — where I was then and who I have become now. As this is percolating in my mind and body, a blast from the past  shows up unexpectedly, and intense waves of emotions move through me, triggering me to ponder the shifts over the years. And then, as I am in the process of writing this post, Louise releases this  must-read piece on “A Storied Experience“! It’s incredible how synchronicity works.

So, in this post, I decided to put a spin on the 10 year challenge going around on the internet. Instead of posting only a picture of what my physical body looked like 10 years ago and what I look like now, I’ll explore in some detail my perceptions of life experiences and lessons learned.

Oh, the early 20s…

I never understand people who wish to go back to a time they were in their early 20s. This period of my life was, I can comfortably declare, the fucking worst. I was an absolute mess. I felt disconnected from the world, like I didn’t belong “here”. I saw the world as crumbling, and I felt there was nothing I could do. I was but one mere mortal whose powers have been deliberately stripped by the corporate greed that surrounded me, the harsh neo-liberal capitalist system and it’s institutions that we built, bought into, and continuously sustain… to our detriment, till death do us part. I was baffled by the inexcusable massacres worldwide masked as a necessary to civilization’s survival. I was baffled by domestic violence, femicide, and rape culture. By toxic masculinity, extremities, and rationalizations for violence. By the blatant hypocrisy of our institutions and culture. I’d go to the doctor and therapist for healing, and walk out feeling dis-empowered and dismissed, victimized and reduced. Boxed-in. Split in pieces. I felt trapped in a system that had no interest in my well-being, and despite my best activism, I felt powerless to it. My existence mattered none.

How I saw the outside world was a reflection of how I was living on the inside: completely depleted, slowly falling apart. I felt a tremendous sense of powerlessness over my life that simply took over. I was participating in a co-dependent and abusive relationship. I was insisting on fights with my family and actively pushing everyone away while unintentionally further isolating myself. I absorbed the energy of everyone’s problems and allowed it to take refuge in my body. I was consumed by rage and anger that was constantly projected outwards but was consuming me whole. Instead of accepting responsibility for my life, I blamed everyone around me for it. I was the victim of all my life’s circumstances. And despite my cries, no one ever came to save me. Truth is, even those who tried, I pushed away. I lived with so much resentment…as one would when they feel someone outside of themselves owes them something.

***As I write this, in this moment, my body is reacting. There are waves of energy moving through that want to latch on…but I now know better than to let them. I know to breathe through the waves, and let them pass. I know they need space, air, breath, prana, to heal…so I give them exactly that.***

Given that I had no healthy coping mechanisms, it is natural that I turned toward substances –smoking, sugar, junk food–to feel comfortably numb, to disconnect… even if just for one moment. 

All my bodies were out of whack. I respected none of my natural clocks or boundaries. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I drank copious amounts of cola on a daily basis instead of water or tea. Sugar and pizza were my go-to comfort foods. I ate burgers that made me vomit at 2:00 am because that’s when Wendy’s had a $2 Whopper sale. I slept whenever those around me felt like it. I drank and partied until the sun came up, and sometimes went back down…. I hung out with people I didn’t care for. I befriended people who were dishonest and disrespectful, while pushing my loving family away. I participated in activities against my will. I laughed at ill-intended jokes at my own expense. I rationalized and justified abuse.

I continuously and consistently diminished my own worth.

I dismissed my own internal voice.

I lied to myself all the time.

What I got in return was dis-ease. On every possible level. Physically, I was sick all the time. My body began being unable to digest any of the food, or the food-like-substances, I introduced to it. The countless doctors I had seen  over the years and all their sophisticated machines and tests revealed “there is nothing wrong”. Mentally and emotionally I was checked out, suicidal for years. The doctors easily and conveniently diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder type 2. At least these are the diagnoses I can remember. They quickly drugged me, despite my best efforts to resist, to combat the symptoms…yet, the symptoms persisted and kept coming at me with a vengeance. At this point, I had already internalized that there was something wrong with me –I was defective, I was broken, I was irrelevant.

Wow. Imagine the impact this perception of self had on my nervous system! Living life, however unconsciously, as a defective, less-than human being.

***Another wave moving through me. I breathe through it, because I know this is what my body needs. My nervous system is relearning, through deep breathing, that I am safe.***

Truth is, “No good can ever come from abandoning the Self.” – Louise LeBrun

In the meantime, to an outsider all things looked good–I was working, going to school, and living with my long-term boyfriend of five years. I was smart, friendly, well-maintained, and energetic. I internalized the “good girl” role, and I played it well. Regardless of how well I did on the outside, these external references were not enough to validate my internal Self.

In 2019…

I can barely recognize that version of me today. I am such a vastly different person now. I do not know exactly how this happened, but I know that I made choices to allow it to be so. Self-rEVOLution does not happen overnight, and yet, there are critical moments that I know I made decisions knowing, with every fiber of my being, I deserve better. That is when I made decisions that aligned with mySelf and followed through with them because I knew that I knew what I knew and I choose to listen to my Truth. I did not know it intellectually, I knew it in my bones. Those types of moments have become more frequent in my life, and I am able to recognize the waves in my body and my Truth faster now. I am beginning to notice what it’s like to operate from the identity point (6th chakra), from the “who I am” that I AM instead of from the lower triangle infused with cultural conditioning and “shoulds”.

Of course these creep up on me every now and again, but I stay engaged in the tough conversations with myself, full-well knowing that what is presenting in my body, in this moment, is here to free me…if I allow it.

My whole life I have asked “why” questions not knowing that “why” is a closed-loop from which there is no escape. There is never a “because” that satisfies the “why”…there is always more “but why”. So I am beginning to release the why. In the WEL-Systems and Kundalini yoga perspectives the “why” questions are held at the heart centre where cultural conditioning is held. This is the space between the lower and higher triangles that allows the flow of energy to move freely. When someone is stagnated in this space, they have a hard time accepting the truth of their experience because it differs from that of the cultural conditioning they have internalized. Given that these people live in the past, they cannot live a full life, in the present moment, where our bodies live.

This is how far I have come: I can, at the very least, recognize when a problem is presenting itself from the past, I can point to the areas in my body where I feel the energy stagnated, I can ask myself questions that begin to liberate my Truth, and I can choose to choose differently –mainly, from the I am that I AM (6th chakra).

In the past little while, I have focused on questions to myself such as…

If I am encountering resistance or conflict in my body, do I relax into it? Do I allow the wave of information to tell me what it needs to tell me? Or do I constrict and label it as negative (i.e. anxiety, pain…) and try to shut it down?

Do I choose to trust my body to process what it needs to process in order to heal?

What are my compensatory mechanisms, and where do they show up in my body? What does that tell me about myself?

Am I thinking or reacting out of fear, judgement or conditioning right now or is this a conscious choice that feels healthy in my tissue?

Do I choose to allow my ideas to percolate in my body, trusting that I know what I know fully?

I realize there are things I believe I must still do. Do I choose to own that choice?

Do I choose to make decisions from the lens of self-respect? From a place that remains in alignment with my Self?

Do I allow myself the space required to change my mind about a commitment?

Am I making decisions from a considerate, loving, and respectful place?

Do I allow myself to know what I know when someone’s energy approaches me?

Do I choose to own my Truth and speak it honestly?

Do I choose to own up to my mistakes without guilt, shame or judgement?

Do I choose to come back to it and make right, right?

If a situation presents itself over and over, do I choose to focus on the content, or the context? After all, it is presenting on my holodeck because I have more to learn. Do I choose to pay attention?

When a fear/resentment/judgement comes up, whose voice am I listening to? Do I internalize that voice as truth, or do I search for the truth of my Soul?

Importantly: What is the strategy I am unconsciously running? When was it useful for me? Is it still? What do I believe about that? What’s the gift in what’s presented itself, again? Never mind the content, what is the context? We develop strategies that were useful when we were children, strategies to protect ourselves, from violence, instability, lies…and they are useful when we are 2 or 4 or 14, but are they useful at 30, 50, or 70? Perhaps not.

Most importantly: Who am I? Who do I choose to become? Who do I choose to surround myself with?

Releasing the Past

Today, I am in the process of rediscovering and redefining mySelf. In my emerging identity, I am learning to live, moment to moment, from my Truth, my Sat Nam. This way of life may appear strange to most people, as it seems to not align with the life they are living. Still, I have found similar Souls in the strangest of places, eager to learn more about themselves and their Truth and live in it. It’s a beautiful journey, indeed!  

So part of my journey right now is to lovingly let go of the “why” questions by asking questions that lead to an open loop, allowing for more expansive types of questions. For me, this is the best way to grow…to balance living grounded and consciously chosing from the who I am that I AM.

Today, I know well that the past does not serve me. It helped shape me, it has provided me with an opportunity to learn more about myself, and it does not define me. I know, with every single breath, I can choose choices that serve me, as I am, in this moment.

As for the past, I leave myself with this question: Do I want to bring this into my future? If the answer is no, then I go ahead and consciously let go…

After all, “The past – and its story – is not a roadmap to the future.” – Louise LeBrun.

Evolution by intention is.

Stela Murrizi creates and facilitates experiences for personal discovery and exploration. A deeply caring and compassionate woman who is equally ferocious and courageous, Stela thrives in the deep conversations that reveal the complexity of our humanity and allow us to reclaim sovereignty in our lives. Because she has lived through immense darkness and alchemized the pain into joy, she knows well what it takes to stand with you… unafraid… as you face into your own deepest, darkest secrets. 

Stela’s work revolves around the WEL-Systems paradigm because it is this framework for evolution that propelled her to be successful in choosing to move away from drugs, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and behavioural disorders to become the powerful presence she is today. Stela’s passion for living is matcher to her compassion for those who desire to awaken to a more meaningful life. 

When she is not serving clients and building her small business, you’ll find Stela playing with her delightful four year old son.