What is the story trying to keep safe?
oday I discovered a tick on the back of my son’s neck.
I say I discovered, but in reality it was more like I saw it there three days ago, convinced myself it’s a deer fly bite (with the dry blood on it).
Then he found it this morning, and I still tried to convince myself it wasn’t a tick when the evidence was, literally, in front of my eyes.
Slight panic aside, this left me wondering: where else in my life do I convince myself of an untruth when the evidence is, well, evident?
I take comfort in the fact that right now, I don’t know. I trust that not knowing is my point of power.
Because right now, the line of inquiry has been opened up and I am clear: While this has been a lifelong pattern, how it shows up has shifted drastically. Because I’ve become intentional about looking at my reality differently.
To paraphrase Dr. Seuss, except when I don’t. Cuz sometimes I won’t. And that’s true for all of us, because the inner work we’re doing is ongoing.
What you experience is filtered for safety
It is not news that you and I have perceptual filters that shape how we experience reality. Those filters are installed at a young age and become anchors in the body. We don’t notice them, and we don’t question them. We simply abide by them, unconsciously.
Our brain isn’t passively recording an external reality. It’s constantly predicting what’s happening and comparing those predictions with incoming sensory information. Neuroscience calls this predictive processing. In simple terms, what we perceive is shaped by an ongoing conversation between our expectations and what’s actually happening.
Add to that cognitive dissonance—the well-established tendency to reduce the discomfort of conflicting information—and it’s easy to see why we sometimes explain away what’s right in front of us.
What’s less explored in the conventional narrative is the intelligence of what we create. Seeing reality through metaphor rather than a fixed outcome allows us to discover that intelligence without getting lost to the details of the story.
The stories we create are not random. They’re intelligent attempts to preserve safety.
The question is no longer:
Is this story true?
The better question is:
How is this story trying to keep me safe?
I saw a tick. I felt the vibration in my body that said “that’s a tick.” Immediately, I second-guessed it. My brain questioned it, out of my conscious awareness: based on everything I believe, what’s it most likely to be? My prediction was “it’s probably a bug bite,” so my brain favored that interpretation. I didn’t want it to be a tick. So I concluded: it’s not a tick.
Twice.
Out of my conscious awareness, I was aware that if it were a tick then that would have consequences. My system had already calculated the cost.
Antibiotics.
Lyme disease.
Worry.
Fear.
And for one brief moment...
“Not a tick” felt safer.
So I made it not-a-tick.
The stories we create about our reality are not random. They’re intelligent attempts to preserve feeling safe.
The inner work required to differentiate safe from unsafe is not to get rid of the story, but to become curious enough to sense all of it honestly.
So next week I will dive deeper into how we confuse safety with danger... and danger with safety. Because if we work hard to protect that which keeps us unsafe, we stay stuck in a reality that sucks. While avoidance helps delay the inevitable, you cannot create safety within danger. What if the thing you’re avoiding is exactly what would allow you to feel more alive?
This is why I don’t do one-and-done
One of the things I hear most often from women inside The Inner Ecosystem is how easy it is to get pulled back into the familiar.
As one member recently put it, “the default is so strong, and it’s sneaky.” Another said, “This check-in wakes me up if I’ve gone back to sleep.”
That’s why The Inner Ecosystem exists. To give you a space where you reclaim more of your wholeness on on ongoing basis. Because becoming more yourself isn’t a one-time event. It’s a practice of noticing when you’ve drifted away from yourself—and intentionally returning.
If you’re looking for a place where you can show up just as you are, with no judgement or performance, and get personalized coaching with me, I’d love to welcome you into The Inner Ecosystem.
Do you find yourself asking "why do I keep doing that — even when I know better?" This free diagnostic I created will show you why.
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