Put up. Shut up. Mind your place. Wait for permission. Accept that this is how things are.
Acceptance. What have you accepted without question?
Today I got the news that one of my sisters, the one I wrote about in ‘Realizations From My Birthday ‘
has had a stroke. And my first reaction was fear – that I would lose her and I know that I’m not ready to have her not be in my life in any way at all. I know that strokes are no longer the pretty much immediate death sentence that they were when I was a child. And yet, I was afraid of losing her. And then I was sad for her – that her life would become even more proscribed than it had been before the stroke. And I remember something my other sister had asked me last week. She wondered if I thought that our middle sister had decided to die. Maybe this stroke had something to do with that. And then my fear and sadness turned to anger at my brother-in-law who had not let me or my other sister know what was happening. Hell, he waited until a few days after this event to let one of his daughters, who is out of the country, know.
I cannot understand his reasoning for that choice. And I wonder if my sister has chosen to die. And there’s nothing I can do but accept.
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