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ITS - My Story continues
by Graham Wiseman
Nine Months later...
In June 2004, I talked about Igniting the Self being a life-altering experience and indeed it was. I managed to get in touch with my body for the very first time in a way I never thought possible. Since then I admit that the day-to-day pressures of working and living have dulled my senses a little and I'm in desperate need of a "tune-up". And because it now feels right I'm enrolled in Resourcefulness In Action and Influencing with Intention in April and looking forward to it immensely.
It's hard for me to put into words just how far I've come since last April. And while I take the credit for doing the work there are many people around me who have encouraged me and cheered from the side-lines. I recall with vivid images one incident during the first few days of Igniting in which I came face to face with one of my "demons". The fear of failure, of not being good enough, reared up in front of me and I got completely stuck. That stuckness became the pivot on which I somehow leapt forward into a new way of being. Something physical shifted in me that day to the point where others on the Igniting program told me I was "glowing". And that's how I felt - "glowing."
The experience of getting stuck was a powerful one for me, I've lived with it my entire life. My mother (whom I love dearly) "did the best she could with the resources she had". She believed that the best way to help me excel at school and music was to tell me I was not quite good enough... "that's nice dear BUT... you can do better..." Sound Familiar? Try as I might I never seemed to be able to get past that "BUT". It became an obstacle, at times insurmountable. Just how do you get past the BUT. I lived with the sense that not only was what I did not good enough but that later translated into something that made me avoid things altogether because I feared failing at them. The incident during Igniting which I describe as my pivot was an "exam". I became paralyzed by the fear and it was that paralysis which evolved into such a powerful movement of energy in my body that my whole being shifted. I felt it, others saw it. In the last account I wrote for the June 2004 Newsletter I titled it "I've Changed and I ain't going back". I've never spoken a truer word. When you go through an experience like that there is no going back because you can't. You cannot un-know what you now know.
I am more aware than ever when my body gives me signals (even though I know my awareness could be sharper). I can ignore them at my peril or turn them to good use. I have been living with the threat of layoff for many years now and finally, in November 2004, I was laid off. As soon as I received the phone call asking me to report to a specific conference room my whole body went into spasm. My breathing accelerated, my heart rate soared. However, this time, I was aware of it happening. I breathed into the sensations and went with the flow. It could have swamped me but I didn't let it. By the time I reached the conference room I was in complete control. My boss, whose job it was to lay me off, was unable to look me in the eye - he had a harder time of it than I. I was completely aware and in command. I left the building and allowed the surge of relief to wash over me. I'm still not sure I know what I'm going to do next for work and I'm not worried. I now know I have the resources I need to carry me through whatever happens to me and I have learned that despite the ancient messages of "... that's nice dear, BUT..." I have the ability to be good at whatever I do. I just need to trust myself and listen to my body.
I've also been in the envious position of being able to help close friends in a time of need because of my own improved resourcefulness. They too have mow experienced the magic of WEL-Systems and they have also experienced a fundamental shift in their being too. I am looking forward to whatever presents itself at my next two programs happy in the knowledge that, if I give myself permission to just BE I can probably look forward to even more shifts and once again, there will be no going back.
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