Changing the Dance
and creating a stress free Christmas

by Cathy Carmody

For many years, the Christmas holidays felt like a mixed blessing to me. There would be that familiar rush of excitement through my body as I thought ahead to the holidays, while at the same time I would feel my shoulders, or lower back begin to ache on a regular basis, my stomach begin to ‘act up’, and a sense of weariness come over me. Having no awareness of the connection between my body and my thoughts, I would carry on as usual and by the time the holidays were over, I would often be exhausted, stressed out and disappointed. This behavior was the ‘dance of insanity’. I kept repeating the same patterns over and over, while at the same time hoping for a different result!

I now know that those feelings (or signals) in my body hold information that can be useful for me - if I am willing to stop, quiet my body, breath deeply, allow energy to flow throughout my body and get curious about what might be going on in my inner thoughts. I’ve found that if I am willing to bring those thoughts about the holidays to my conscious awareness, I have the potential to create a stress-free holiday season. If I am willing to explore questions such as the following, I can consciously allow my mind to choose differently, and change that dance of insanity.

The Meaning of the holidays

I could ask myself what the holidays really mean. Not what holidays may have meant to my family of origin, but what they mean to me, now, in the present? Does Christmas represent a special time of the year for ‘giving’? Is it a religious holiday? If yes, do I still find meaning in the religious traditions of the holiday? Is it a ‘fun’ holiday? Is it a time for traditional parties and good times? Do I find joy in the multitude of good times? Is it a time to just escape and get away from everyone, including my family? Or, is it a time to be with my family? Is it a time for deep reflection? Or is it none of the forgoing, and something else entirely? Perhaps if I take the time to sit quietly, breath and relax my body, inner sights about the questions for which I yearn for a response, will appear.

To Give or not to Give

When I find myself wondering what to buy for my family or friends, how much I feel like spending, or even if I want to buy at all, I can feel my body begin to react. At that point, I need to STOP, breath and notice the thoughts that enter my consciousness - being mindful of what is true for me. Perhaps I could ask myself if I really want to spend a lot of money on gifts this holiday. Could there be another way to consider ‘giving’? For example, I’m begun to notice over the last couple of years that my shopping list and the amount I spend on Christmas is getting smaller - and I notice that my thoughts are turning more to how I can be generous and caring throughout the whole year, not just at holiday time!

Family Gatherings - Free Will or Obligation?

I’m now paying more attention to whether having holiday celebrations with my family resonates a sense of positive energy and happiness throughout my body, or thoughts of obligation, commitment and ultimately resentment. I notice that my body feels a lot more relaxed when I do not push or prod my family members to get together, or attempt to make them feel guilty if they don’t visit. If my children and their families wish to be with my husband and I, wonderful, if they choose to be elsewhere, so be it. I invite and allow. Consider that where there is energy to be together it will happen.

Another definition of Family

As an extension of the above, I’ve come to believe that ‘family’ doesn’t always have to be family of origin. “Family” for me can be a family of choice – it can be those people I have attracted into my life. Over the years I’ve had many an enjoyable holiday with friends who are dear to me – friends who now can be described as part of my ‘family of choice’. Ask yourself which definition of family holds meaning for you.

Regardless of everything else, it’s all about Choice

I’m aware that stress shows up in my life when I choose to believe that I am powerless to control my life including - in this instance - what happens at Christmas. And yet I know, in the deepest part of my being, that while I cannot control the lives of others, I have absolute control over my own life. I know that I can choose moment by moment how I want to live my life, including choosing every action I take, every morsel of food I put into my mouth, and every word that comes out of my mouth. I know that I can create a wonderful, peaceful holiday, or a miserable, unhappy holiday. We are all at choice – once we are aware that we have choice! So, if we were to choose consciously to experience Christmas differently this year, who might we become as a result? How might our lives be different?

As this Christmas approaches I plan to let every twinge, ache, or pain, be a signal for me to STOP, BREATHE, AND let energy flow throughout my body. I will allow myself to get curious about what might be creating the discomfort in my body, and invite myself to be open to the insights that well up from deep within me. I will change the ‘dance of insanity’ and allow the wisdom of my body to be a gift to myself for the holidays. Perhaps you will consider doing the same.

Cathy Carmody is a WEL-Systems Catalyst and Code Model Coach™. Cathy is Living and Evolving in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Her recent book Out of Hiding: Reclaiming My Voice and Taking my Life Back can be ordered directly through Cathy’s website at www.CathyCarmody.com

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